Today I am so very sad. The church that we have called our home church for right at 12 years has finally been closed. At first I thought it wouldn't bother me, but I am gonna miss that little building and the few families that were there this last year or so. I have so many wonderful memories there. And sadly part of the reason we fought so hard for it was because of our memories of little John John. Every memory we have of him in church is in that little building.
We have also made the decision to leave here. It looks like we are going to the Tulsa area at this moment...unless god changes our hearts. We have had two places on our minds but we really need to visit to see how we feel. Anyway that's also hard for me and don't laugh but it's because I feel like I am leaving my boys. I know they are with the Lord but it just feels like I am abandoning them. I don't haardly ever visit their graves, because I was kinda taught not to. But it still feels like I'm as close as I can be. I know that very silly but I can't help my feelings. I don't know if I will even post this because it feels like I'm losing it even to my own ears.
Maybe that's why I should post this. I need help right now. I need prayers, I want to be a willing worker of the Lord, I don't want to be weary in well doing. I want to serve the Lord with a smile on my face. I find however that I can't do it without the brethren. I want my newly baptized daughters to be in a place that they can recieve instruction and learn the faith the right way. That they can learn all the things they should do for the brethren. That they can learn to be servants to god and his people. Not that they can't in this place, but I don't feeel like I am close enough to teach tthem at this moment in time. I feel like I have taught them well up to this point but the teachings not over. I just need prayers.
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