Sad again

Okay so I just erased everything I had said before because it was a rant about how much I already miss my girls with them being gone for only 5 minutes. But I decided to be more upbeat. I really will miss them make no mistake about that but I know they will get good out of it. Also it will be a learning experience for them. Everyone in Oregon please take good care and be reaaly nice to my babies..
So can't talk about that anymore I will cry some more ha ha sniffle sniffle.

I am at a place where I need to re-evaluate my life. I mean where my life is, my religion is sound, my marriage is sound (don't ask me when I'm mad ha ha), I have a great family, and then I think of my personal warfare. I am failing somewhere and I need to fix it. So even though my load has doubled, I have to do Bobby and Charity's chores ha ha. I have resolved to read my bible way more.

I have been talking to a sister here who has had some struggles with understanding Jacob. Mostly because he had to be dishonest to get his brothers birthright. However, god could have made him born forst and it would have just been his birthright. So why did he have to lie, (when god hates liars) and cheat to get what was orfaned to be his. I can't say as I understand either so I decided to read it through again, just to see where I was and how I felt. I have read the story many times, it is my favorite story in the bible. But I want to read it from this new perspective.

12:03
So I read Genesis 25:23
And the Lord said into her, Two nations are in thy womb,
and two manner of people shall be separated from thy bowels:
and the one people shall be stronger than the other people;
and the elder shall serve the younger.

I guess I am to simple because that says it all to me god said it would be and it was. I do kinda think why did he need his fathers blessing when he already had the birthright. Jacob in my estimation got it back in the face after he served seven years for Rachel and got Leah then had to serve seven more for the wife he really wanted. And Esau could have stayed angry but he forgave him in the end.
I have always loved this particular scripture, and reading it again really gave me strength. It's what I needed, I plan on reading everyday and working on getting myself where I need to be. But right now I have a house to clean and laundry to do. My girls left all their chores for me today ha ha. That's okay I guess I need something to keep my mind busy anyway. So spring cleaning here I come. I also have to get lots of boxes cause I am packing everything that I can so we can get out of here ha ha. We just have to figure out where we are going.