This church that was featured on this story is not affiliated with the church I belong to, in fact I had never heard of it before. But the minister in the story from what I saw preaches during a church service and people go to the front of the church during his ministry, he touches them or holds his hand toward them and shouts bam and they start shaking fall to the ground in a faint and then are healed. On one hand hearing these people talk they have great faith in god. But on another hand it is so different than what I've been taught and seen my whole life. I have been taught that the Holy Spirit is a meek and quiet spirit. I feel like I can read that. I have seen healing but it wasn't with shouting or glory for any human, all the glory went to god. There are no "healers" in my church so it was a little strange to see young people being trained in the art of healing. However and I want to make this clear I am not saying they are wrong or shouldn't believe the way they do. It is definitely different than what I have seen in my life, but that doesn't mean wrong in my book. I try to have respect for others beliefs even if I disagree because I hope and kinda expect the same respect in return.
In my life faith is so much more than the healing. Everyone is going to die some day. The ultimate faith is understanding it's gods will even when things don't go the way you expect. I just went through a pregnancy last year, I carried my little boy for 9 months and 9 days. I believed for the whole time with every part of my being that god could deliver my baby healthy and whole. However when my son was born it was apparent that was not in gods plan. Did this shake my faith? No, did I question my beliefs? Actually yes, with the result being I reaffirmed what I believed. I hurt so much losing this baby but I had prayed for months that god could help me accept whatever gods will in my life was. When I held my son for the first and last time in this life I knew god has a plan and this was his plan for my life. I was supposed to lay to rest another son. And I did with a heavy heart because I am selfish even in my belief that gods will is supreme and that his will is powerful. I was sad for myself.
I really needed this revelation brought on by this silly television show because I realize I have been slipping into my sadness allowing it to consume me. I have no right to allow myself to wallow in my sadness. But alas, I am human and I miss my sons who have been called home. On the anniversary of my oldest sons death this year I was pretty sad and wallowed in it, I haven't pulled myself past it yet because other things happening in my life that I don't understand compound my grief. I don't feel like its wrong to grieve but I do feel like I've allowed my grief to get the better of me. I need to be strong and deal with my individual issues and not allow it all to compound into grief anymore. Realizing this I am really needing to go for a walk and get out of my house more. You see most people don't know this but I suffer greatly with depression, if I allow the sadness in soon I realize I am steeped in depression. Yes all of this is related to my faith because everything in my life is related to my beliefs it is who I am. I do not go to doctors, I do not take my children to doctors because I feel like I put their health as well as my own in gods hands. I believe it's important to teach my children to believe in faith to believe in God. This is my job, I have failed in the past but I am trying my best to teach them right. I try to take my children to church on a regular basis, when they are sick or hurt I pray for them. I have seen the results of this in that they have been healed, they have been comforted.
I have experienced the other side and choose not to trust in man, my youngest living son had appendicitis several years (4) ago, billy and I took him in to the doctors and he was given surgery to remove his appendix. He did good but never seemed healed after surgery we took him back and the surgeon said he had developed a mass of infection so he went through surgery again. This was the scariest time I can remember for him in his lifetime. We were in the hospital a total of two weeks, but we saw the doctor about 8 times the whole time. I took care of my boy and was expected to stay in the room with him at all times. If I needed something I was supposed to call the nurse who with a very large caseload would sometimes take 10 to 15 minutes to answer. Then we came home, at home Ezekiel would call out and I would run he was allowed to have whatever he wanted that was within certain guidelines. No he was not allowed to have mass amounts of candy lol. But I did feed him whatever food he wanted for dinner. He was allowed to sleep on the couch, cause he wanted to. He was allowed to sleep with stuffed animals, which he wasn't before lol. But I realized the comfort you get at a hospital is very sterile and cold. At home it's very warm and welcoming. I would never change my choices because I learned so much about myself and my beliefs through my experiences. I wish I could spare my children my learning experiences but that's also how they learn so I'm thankful...
1 comment:
I loved this post. Faith is something that is felt. There is such great power through faith in God.
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