Billy Joe

Okay so I realized last night that I got out of order a bit. Billy Jo is the oldest of our kids, but I think of him as our third child because it was after Charity was born that we found out about him. Billy and I thought we had life figured out we had finally figured out how to get these two crazy girls ready in time for church as well as ourselves and make it before the first preacher got on the floor. We felt we'd been through trials enough that we were gonna be on a straightaway. No trials for months maybe years. We had had some hard ones right????
Well, when we were in this mode one day(or so I received some mail addressed to Billy. I opened it before he got home and thought my world was crushed. He was being ordered to take a paternity test. I had seen the little boy a couple of months earlier and in my mind I already knew the answer. I sat around that day crying and thinking what am I gonna do. I am not the nurturing type of person that can care for a child that isn't my own. I prayed and prayed and at about two that afternoon I came to a realization. I was born god's child I was adopted and he loves me as if I was always his child. I can do this. By the time Billy got home I was in a way better frame of mind. He was shocked, but I kept saying we can do this. So needless to say he took the test and 6 weeks later we found out he was a daddy. We immediately called BJ's mom to meet BJ. We met him and I thought he was just a miniature of my husband. How could I not love him right?? Well, it wasn't quite that easy. It was very hard for me to adjust, But every night and sometimes during the day I would pray that GOd would give me a love for him as I has for my children. Well, in about 2001 we lost contact with him. We weren't able to get ahold of him for about 6 years. In 2007 my husband was wanting to move back to Wichita. It was hard for me because I wasn't very happy there. I have asthma and couldn't breathe well in the summer and for many reasons I didn't want to go. However, I was willing to go where god wanted me to go. So I prayed if we were supposed to stay in Colorado he would allow us to get in contact with BJ. Probably never happen right? 2 hours later BJ called and asked can I talk to my dad. Once again I'm sobbing and crying cause mostly I didn't have to move again, but we had also been able to contact BJ again.
A couple months later BJ came to see us. We thought he was gonna stay permanently and when he went back to WIchita I realized god had answered my prayers, I ached right in the center of my heart, knowing he was making a bad decision. It was so very hard.
However to make a long story shorter...ha ha He came back. Met the woman who is now his wife and through trial and error they are working through some rough things. They are now getting ready to have a baby in September (a girl I'm sure). and they seem so happy right now. I am so thankful that GOd brought him into our lives. He was baptized during a very hard trial that my husband and my girls and I were going through and helped us remember that forgiveness is very important. He helped us learn to forgive for the greater good even when you don't really wanna. Holding that anger closer than your children is not a good idea. And we are better for the lesson. Even when it's very hard to forgive it's what's best for you and the other person or persons involved.

it seemed ha ha)

John Ray

John was my first boy. When I was expecting him we really didn't expect him to make it. We also thought he was a girl ha ha. A girl he was not. He was born about 10 p.m. on June the 7th 1998. Billy had only been in Grand Junction a couple days. I had been here a little over a week. Maybe two weeks, Anyway, from the getgo I expected him to have problems eating and on day 3 it was no surprise when I couldn't get him to stay awake long enough to eat. And in normal freakin out Barbara fashion I started calling mom and crying and getting really scared. I may not remember this exactly correctly but I remember being so upset and saying he won't stay awake to eat. I remember feeling so small. But then Marisela came in and held him for a minute, then I remember her turning him upside down....then when he started screaming at her she flipped him back and handed him to me and said something like try now. I don't remember him having another problem after that. He had the best appetite and I didn't worry about him not eating again. He loved balls of every kind. Especially baseballs, my mom said there were so many times she would hear him yell ball and that was the only warning she had that he was throwing a baseball at her face, and she would have to duck.
I can remember when we put in the new carpet at the church he was very fussy and only singing this one Christmas song would make him happy so I set in the recliner in the church and sang beautiful star of Bethlehem over and over and if I went to slow he would say faster mama faster. I remember being so frustrated with him that day, but it's one of my favorite memories. Isn't it funny how that works?
When John was almost two he was taken from us in a fire. It was very devistating and though I can talk about him a-lot now, it still brings tears to my eyes remembering. Because I miss him so very much. I love to talk about him, because it keeps him alive in my heart. That's so important to me, I don't want anyone to forget him because for some reason it feels like if he's not remembered his life was for naught and I can't ever believe that. There was a reason god gave us that little boy if only for a short while.
To this day I can talk about him to people around here and they can remember exactly what they were doing and where they were when they heard he was gone. It's kinda weird but it brings me great comfort, because they all remember him and his life touched so many. Not just our family but people he had never even met, and some that he had. He loved to go to church, which I have found rare in children that small. Normally they don't care, but John would always ask if we were going and what day.
When I remember John, I remember a boy who loved everyone he was around. It made him feel so big to walk into church and be patted on the head by the older brethren. I remember Uncle Erwin would always tell us John sounds like a good strong Easter name. We would always laugh and then John would laugh even though we all knew he didn't understand what we were laughing about.
John loved cars, balls and family. He was a special child who seemed happy all the time. His very favorite food was raisins. And his favorite car was a miniature lambourgini that had doors that would open, he would put raisins inside and when they crashed he would eat them. His favorite toy was a football that was blue and silver, it was a nerf in his favorite team the Cowboys colors. He is missed by all those that knew and loved him.

Charity RayLynn

Charity is my second baby. I really thought she was a boy. Well before she was born. My aunt had a dream that she was a boy and I had a dream..When she was born there was no disappointment for me though, I was just glad she was healthy. That lasted all of two weeks. At two weeks I noticed she was losing weight not gaining. I would try to feed her more often but she kept losing. She was born at 6lbs 6 ozs. When she was 5 weeks I really started getting scared. I think god really protected me from seeing how bad she really was, but I saw enough to be scared. I could see her ribs when I changed her diaper and her stomach looked bloated to me. When she was 6 weeks old I brought her to Colorado to see my mom. My mom had me show her to an older Sister here in Colorado. She recommended that I try to feed her with an eye dropper, so I started that every hour as much as she would take and I started to see an improvement. We were at my moms for just a couple days and the authorities came out. They made me take her to the hospital, where they could find nothing wrong. They just diagnosed her with failure to thrive. Which meant she decided she didn't want to eat anymore, or that's how they explained it. A week later I had to take her to a specialist, where I was told she was born without a sucking reflux. She was 7 weeks old and they didn't know how she had made it that long. They started putting me and her together through classes so I could teach her to suck on her bottle. Finally at eight weeks she started taking to the bottle and eating. So I went back home to Kansas where once again the authorities came out. They asked me to take her to the hospital again, but she had gained two pounds and I saw her doing much better. I asked for a court order, and they removed her from my custody. She was gone for 72 hours before we knew where she was. Then we were able to go see her. The doctor told me she was so delayed in her growth that we would never have a normal child. She would be mentally retarded, and probably would not be able to attend school with other children. He also said we probably would never see her walk. Apparently a baby needs to gain so much weight in their first couple months for their brain growth. But apparently he didn't know my God.
Well at 15 months Charity proved them wrong, she started walking. Then I decided to teach her at home and surprise surprise she was able to learn. Finally in Kindergarten I decided to put her in public school. She did pretty good. She was a little slower, but she was getting it.
Charity is now 12 almost 13, she probably is not what you would call normal (ha ha joking) but she's deffinately NOT mentally retarded. She bakes the best cookies and brownies. Also cakes and she can make almost any meal on the stove top. She has been such an inspiration and light in my life.
Charity is a caregiver of the highest sort and one day that will be one of her gifts in the faith I am sure.
She has a faith that is so plain to see and she wants the faith in her life. I feel it's a gift to be her mother.

Bobby LeeAnn

Today, I decided to dedicate a blog to each of my wonderful children. I decided to start with Bobby LeeAnn.
About a year almost after Billy and I were married we had Bobby LeeAnn, she was such a precious baby born on the 28th of May. I thought I was an awesome mother but looking back I made some huge mistakes. But a 18 I thought I knew it all. Bobby was pretty tiny when she was born, she weighed in at 6 lbs 6 ozs. but when the health nurse came out just three weeks later she calculated our scales at home to be off and told me Bobby was only 4 lbs 6 ozs. I don't know about this, I always believed them to know what they were doing but I don't kmow for sure. I do know she was a tiny baby. The adventures of Bobby were great, and I learned to be a mom. I learned a-lot about myself as a person in that year, about what I really wanted in life and about the things that shouldn't be in my life. I learned to quit saying crap and instead started yelling crayon when I stubbed my toe. That word is just not cute coming out of a 9 month olds mouth. However it was so cute when she started yelling crayon!!! I also learned not to allow smoking around my children. Bobby would develop a weird yellow rash in her hair and on her skin, everything that wasn't covered by clothes. Also she ran around in only a diaper a lot so sometimes it was really bad. Which brings me to the next thing I learned keep clothes on your babies at all times. You never know when there might be an emergency. Well for instance when your husband is on his way to work and has a flat (working third shift) and you have to find clothes and keys. Get the baby dressed and drive 20 miles in 2 minutes so he won't be late for work. I also learned that moms make mistakes and they should never hide it from their kids. Kids need to know that moms make mistakes so when mom gets pulled over going 55 in a 30 the kid won't say, "sometimes mommy really drives fast but only when she's mad at grandma and grandpa" to the police officer.
Bobby was about two and she and her younger sister Charity were best friends. One afternoon they were playing in their room, and all the sudden I kept hearing Bobby yell help me mommy. I started looking and then got frantic running up and down the hall looking in every closet as well as every nook and cranny, Under the beds, everywhere. Charity was standing in the hall, and I kept asking where is your sister and she would shrug. I finally decided maybe the bathroom so I went in there no Bobby but as I'm looking in the bathroom I heard Bobby behind me near Charity yell again. Charity was standing in front of the dryer. SO I made her move to the side and opened the door and there was my baby just sobbing. Somehow Charity had gotten Bobby in the dryer and Charity had closed the door and stood there until I found her. I was so mad at her that poor baby was so scared. She probably did something to Charity before that, but that's besides the point. Ha ha. Bobby had many, many adventures though, she would hide and then when I went to find her she wouldn't make a peep even when I Was close. Once we were at the church and I couldn't find her. I was looking everywhere, I started to get hysterical because I couldn't find her so my husband asked everyone too look around them. After about 30 minutes they finally found her. She was hiding under a bench and thought we were playing hide and seek, so when I would holler her name she would just be as quiet as could be so I wouldn't find her..talk about embarrassing.
Bobby is now 14 years old, I don't know how that happened seems like just yesterday she was just a baby depending on me for everything. She has gotten so independent, but I guess if she wasn't I would really be worried ha ha.
In the last two years Bobby has really come into her own, she knows how she believes about everything and sticks to it. She also is a very protective girl. She really protects the kids, and when they are sick she is right there worrying as much as me almost. She will make a very good mother one day.
Bobby wants to be a fashion designer when she grows up and when she finishes it I will post a picture of the very first Bobby Reed original purse. Should be done in a week. Or that's her guess it might take a little longer.